About Me

Who hasn't dreamed of taking over the world? And who hasn't heard the phrase, "follow your dreams" before? Put those two together, and you're left with the inevitable. Now, you may be thinking I'm crazy to post my secret blueprints and progress updates online, and that may be true. On the other hand, what's an Evil Overlord without her secret, yet oddly accessible, Lair?

Monday, August 30, 2010

Phase One, Day One: It Begins

I think I've waited long enough. I've spent years taking detailed notes of what to change in the world, gathered at least a base staff of minions, and devoted hours of careful study to the mistakes of other failed Overlords before me. I'm ready. My advisors are probably going to kill me for making this public (I'm looking at you, Woman with Needles), but I feel like the lack of any kind of Lair has sapped my motivation for too long. Let the Plan commence!

Phase One
1. Create organized list of orders to implement upon successful completion of world take-over. A disorganized Overlord gets nothing done, and will probably be overthrown immediately.
2. Muster minions. I've received several exciting applications over the years from people interested in working with a quickly-expanding, multi-faceted empire (I offer an excellent perks package), but I need to start pinning those names down. Note to Self: Make sure advisors know about new Virtual Lair.
3. Design Official Lair. An online one can only take you so far.

Over the next few months, I hope to successfully complete Phase One, chart and begin progress on Phase Two, and hopefully offer some tips to beginners at world domination along the way. First one here:

The first thing you learn as you prepare to take over the world is that a certain balance of confidence is key. The cocky ones always get picked off first. I realize that it may seem like I'm not taking my own advice, what with posting my plans, leaving my name at the bottom, etc., but consider this: How many people do you know with the name Jessica? It was the number one girls' name for years; there are millions of us. Second, how certain are you that it's my real name? Third, the second rule Overlords learn (after the general "don't be cocky") is: it is perfectly fine to tell people what your Evil Plan is, as long as it has already been implemented.

See you on the other side of the revolution,