Phase One, Day 27: The Fluffiness Increases Exponentially!

I hope I can trust you. What I'm about to share with you contains some sensitive information, and the element of surprise is important. This is no less than the Secret Weapon I plan to use to launch the movement that must, inevitably, culminate in my ruling the world. The army that will inspire awe and fear in the hearts of all who are present to witness it.

  Yes! An army of giant kittens! Or, more precisely, an army of minions riding giant kittens as they prance, pounce, and scamper their way to my victory. It is brilliant. Modern armies for decades have trusted in straight lines, careful formations. What is more carefree, more surprising than the path of a playful kitten? Kittens bigger than horses! Kittens the size of African elephants!! The fluffiness increases exponentially!!

We'll send in helicopters first, with lasers and yarn bombs. The lasers may seem suspicious at first, but people will quickly relax when they realize that no one has been hurt, and that in fact some people have inadvertently corrected their eyesight by watching the beams so intently. Then, without warning, a gambol of kittens will appear, pouncing on the lasers in an adorable and terrifying attempt to catch them, or wriggling parked cars off the streets in their efforts to nuzzle the yarn to death. Such mayhem will be confusing, frightening, endearing. The populace will have no idea how they are supposed to react. PETA will protest any attempt to hurt the kittens, as will most scientists, who will be desperate to know how the hell I pulled this off.

And then, just as the mayhem escalates into a panic, I will emerge, in a beam of light if I can finagle it (subtle, I am not).

"Citizens," I will say, "I have the solution. Make me Overlord of the World, and I will put the kittens in giant petting zoos and clean up all the yarn. I will teach any interested scientists how my team and I made these adorable monsters, and offer kitten-riding classes to any children interested in being Professional Kitten Wranglers one day. Heck, any adults, for that matter. Make me your leader, and I will protect the kakapo (if there are any left to protect), teach everyone Gibberish, and increase the amount of vacation time people get every year. Or don't make me your leader, and the next wave of kittens will not have hypoallergenic fur, and who knows what a crazy person like me has up her sleeve next. I assure you, citizens, you probably want me as your leader right now."

I am optimistic that we can pull off a bloodless revolution.