Phase One, Day Eleven: Neil Patrick Harris Would Make a Sweet Jedi, Though

Today I was reviewing my Failed Overlord flashcards, as I do every morning to keep my mind sharp, and I noticed something I don’t think I’d ever realized before. Did you know that Darth Vader and Dr. Horrible share a Fatal Flaw?

After “don’t get cocky,” the most important rule to being an Overlord is probably “prioritize.” World domination demands a certain single-mindedness and determination—some may even say obsession—and doesn’t leave much wiggle room for those who can’t make up their minds. Let’s look more closely:

    Darth Vader: He was doing pretty well for a while, there. Had the Death Star going, choke grip, more minions than he knew what to do with, and one of the most badass capes ever, despite some fairly significant physical disabilities. Then what happens? He meets his son (who he knew perfectly well he had the whole time), and all of a sudden, he’s all, “But Luke, why can’t we work together? Please? We’d be ‘Vader & Son,’ it would be adorable, we’d have a swinging wooden sign and the most stylish ampersand in the galaxy.” Please. And then, of course, Luke’s all, “Heck no, creeper,” and D.V. flips out and cuts Luke’s hand off, and I don’t think either of them really bounced back well from that whole interaction. I think Darth took it particularly poorly. The man lost his focus entirely, and before you know it he’s getting himself killed and still trying to bond. It’s very sweet from a family perspective, don’t get me wrong, but if we’re talking World Domination, this was a train wreck.

    Dr. Horrible: Then, on the other hand, there’s Neil Patrick Harris (I have a little trouble distinguishing the man from the character sometimes, so I use the names more or less interchangeably). Despite anything he might have said, Dr. Horrible was never in it for the League of Evil. No, he wanted the girl. Which is fine. If you’re a good enough scientist to build a functioning Freeze Ray, have a cute little endearing-shy-guy thing going for you, and know the key to your beloved’s affections is frozen yogurt and feeding the homeless, then run with that. Freeze Captain Hammer in a pose that suggests he was going to wastefully dump frozen yogurt all over a homeless, lactose-intolerant puppy, take a few pictures, maybe one or two of you tenderly cleaning said puppy off, and show the prints to the girl. Suggest a sexy soup kitchen date, whatever. Don’t start bringing organized evil guilds into the mix. That’s entirely too broad an endeavor, and entirely too time-consuming. If you literally don’t have time to sign a petition without crashing in excess of $10,000 worth of machinery, you need to scale back a bit. Neil Patrick Harris actually ended up in the League of Evil, making his net steps toward World Domination slightly better than Darth Vader’s, but his heart was never in it.

Now you’re probably thinking, “Jessica, if that’s your real name, how do you think you stack up? Are you seriously trying to tell us you’re going to be better than Darth Vader and Neil Patrick Harris? Is that even possible?” And you know what, I don’t know. I gotta tell you, even putting together plans for the Official Lair gets tricky sometimes. But don’t give up on me yet. I may not have Darth Vader’s technology, or Dr. Horrible’s budget (seriously, where do you come up with the funds for a Freeze Ray on top of rent?), but I will find ways to put my Plans into action before the month is out!